Thoughts on motherhood from a new working mom

It’s been two and a half months since our Little London Bear entered our world and turned it on its head. She is one of the best things that ever happened to me— I adore her crooked little smile (just like her Daddy’s!!!), her gentle coos, and her fascination with everything in life. She is one of the most observant babies I’ve ever seen (and I’ve been around a LOT of babies), and I think she is unusually pretty for an infant… though that may be my mother’s bias speaking.

She is incredibly attentive and responsive to sounds and voices, and always wants to see who is talking. She’s always moving arms and legs, and is already trying to scoot/crawl when she’s on her tummy. Buck cheers her on, and I yell “SLOW DOWN!!!” She’s a morning person like her parents, loves being outside more than anything else, loves her baths, and wants to sit upright as much as possible. She is very opinionated and isn’t afraid to let us know her preferences. As Brad Paisley sings, “She’s a fighter when she’s mad, she’s a lover when she’s loving.” Though I’m pretty sure this one will keep me on my toes for the rest of my life.

These have been the sweetest, happiest, hardest, most challenging months of my life. Learning to love my child and to work my job at the same time is much harder than I expected. I love them both. Not equally, of course, but as much as I love my sweet baby, I still have obligations to fulfill. A business is much like a baby— it cannot be ignored. It’s either growing or dying, and it requires frequent (if not constant) tending. Which is challenging when my baby has growth spurts and needs extra love and care, and rocking her while she sleeps replaces the afternoon’s to-do list.

If motherhood has taught me anything, it’s that “balancing” business and personal is impossible, and that’s okay. There’s a quote by Alain de Botton that I love:

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.”

I think he’s right. I’ve struggled for years to figure out how to work smarter, to accomplish more in fewer hours, to maximize my time and efforts, to have a full, deep, varied life outside of my work, without losing relevance within my work sphere. I gave birth to a baby, and suddenly my priorities are crystal clear, and the question of “what to do with my time?” isn’t a question any more.

Just two weeks after London was born, Buck and I sat outside in the evening light and I sobbed for nearly an hour. I was running on zero sleep, my hormones were cah-razy, and Tax Day was just days away. I got everything in to our accountant before London was born, but there were still questions that came up, and still checks to write, and I couldn’t think clearly enough to compose an Instagram caption, let alone deal with spreadsheets and balancing budgets. It was in that teary-fog that we came up with a work plan for me. My work priorities are, in this order:

1. Client care. Emails, shoots, meetings, editing, delivering images.
2. Bills and financial obligations. Anything that will result in fines if left untended.
3. Marketing. Blog, Instagram, Facebook, etc.
4. Tending and other projects. In other words, that list of work projects that hangs on my bulletin board— all great ideas, none are time-sensitive or vital.

Now every time I sit down to work, I work in that order. I check email just twice a day, and I have an autoresponder that outlines my time availability and sets expectations. London is on a 3-hour feeding schedule and takes 4 naps per day, and I work throughout each of those. We’re bringing in a nanny starting this month who will work 1-2 days per week, to give me uninterrupted time. It’s working for now. Things may change in the future, but for now, we’re in a really good place. 

Because really, I just want to spend all my time kissing that squishy face.

“For those of you who are working moms and struggle to find the balance between loving your job and loving your kids, I feel your pain. We have to let go of the guilt and rather than feel burdened about missing out, we need to celebrate the fact that we are doing what we were made to do. I was made to design and help people with their homes. I was also made to raise my four children and love them well. This is not about me “choosing” something over another. I have finally found peace with all this, not balance, just peace. If I am intentionally being and doing what God created me for, He is going to fill in the gaps and all the places I am lacking. He’s got this. All of it.” — Joanna Gaines