Again, a bit late posting these (she’s 4 1/2 months now), but at least I’m staying on top of the “at least one photo session per month” goal that I set before she was born! It’s the little things…

London updates:

• She now consistently rolls from back to tummy, and just started rolling from tummy to back this week.
• She is out of her swaddle and sleeping well on her own! We bought her a little blankie, and whenever we put her down to sleep, we lay her on her back, give her the paci, and then she reaches up and we hand her the blankie. She then rolls over on her left side and puts the blankie up over nose and smells it as she falls asleep. It’s easily the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
• She’s found her voice, and loves to talk to her toys. She’s a fairly quiet baby, but Buck says she sounds like a baby dinosaur. And she’s started complaining when she’s unhappy with something (not a cry, but obviously not pleased), which I just think is hilarious. “We are not amused.”
• She’s started teething, puts everything in her mouth, and chews on her fingers all day long.
• She’s on a four-hour schedule, which has been a wonderful change to our routine. The transition was rough, but it’s so easy now. Since she’s awake for longer stretches now, I feel like I can actually do things like, you know, run errands without completely ruining our daily schedule.
• She’s not a big fan of new people until she knows them. I think her personality takes after mine— she wants to observe new people and situations before she engages with them. She’s a very, very happy baby, and smiles at me all day long every day, but if a new person shows up, she gets really serious and studies them for a long time before smiling.
• Girlfriend has her mama’s long torso. She is in 9-month pjs, she’s SO LONG.

I’m obsessed with her, if you can’t tell. Her sweet smile, her intelligent eyes, the way she looks like she’s about to rattle off complete sentences when she opens her mouth, her curiosity, how much she adores Guster, how much she looks like her Daddy. So very thankful this little one is mine.

Motherhood update:

• The four-hour schedule has been amazing. She sleeps (and I work) from 9-11am and 1-3pm every day, then I make dinner during her 5-6pm shorter nap, and she’s in bed by 7:30 or 8pm and I get to put in a few more hours before I feed her at 11pm and then go to bed myself. Having a predictable schedule has made alllllll the difference in my productivity.
• We have a nanny every Tuesday and every other-ish Friday, which is also a lifesaver. Honestly, I wish I could have her three solid days per week, so that the other four days of the week I could just enjoy being wife+mom without worrying about work.
• I’m just waiting for her to consistently drop her 3/4am feeding so I can start my day before she gets up (aka, gym, shower, quiet time, coffee, etc). She’s slept through the night a couple of times just in the last week, so I think it’s coming… maybe? I’m dying to start working out again!
• I’ve been sick about every 3 1/2 weeks since she’s been born. I’m really, really tired of it. Working hard to build up my immune system, because this can’t become my “normal.” Aaaaaaaaand I need to revert to my diet from a few years ago— gluten free, mostly grain-free, mostly dairy-free (use hard cheeses, but no milk, and only sparing use of Greek yogurt). Le sigh.

Buck and I talk often about loving people vs. using people. Frustration and/or anger often comes when we view people as vehicles or obstacles— a means of getting what we want, or someone keeping us from what we want. I’m seeing this in my responses to London when she needs me. Waking up from a nap pulls me away from whatever work I was doing, which can cause me think of her as an obstacle instead of my primary responsibility.

But for every bit of frustration, there are sweet glimmers of grace. By nature, I’m a Type-A, controlling, productivity-obsessed list-maker who worries about the opinions of others and gets stir-crazy if I sit still for too long. And yet I find myself able to take joy in small things, happy to enjoy looking at leaves and clouds on a blanket in the backyard, making decisions with Buck about what is best for OUR family, without regard to how others may see it. This is not some magical “motherhood transformation.” This is the grace of God at work in my life, and for that I am so, so thankful.

June and July were rough months, marriage-wise for me and Buck. We were both busy with work and parenthood, and didn’t take the time to communicate with each other, so feelings were hurt and expectations were disappointed and none of it was talked about as often as it needed to be. We’re still in a crazy busy season (he’s worked until midnight most nights for the last couple of weeks, and that won’t end until September, when his travel starts up again), but we’re making concerted efforts to communicate with each other, and to cherish the small bits of time we do get to spend together, even if it’s just 5 minutes here and there. We may not be coming and going like we were two years ago, but we still have to find ways to draw closer in the crazy. Creativity is key, there. What used to be a date night out is now 20 minutes sitting in the front lawn with a class of wine, and that’s absolutely okay.

All in all, marriage and parenting and self-employment are all challenging, stretching, and incredibly sweet, and I’m SO humbled to get to do life alongside my precious husband and daughter.

She curls her toes just like her Daddy does (and did in his baby pictures!).These two REALLY love each other. She grins and babbles at Gus all day long, and he would lick her head-to-toe every day if I would let him. I try to keep him away from her face, but sometimes he gets her anyway.

Little Squishy and her blankie.