hello…

… it’s me…

This summer marks my 10th anniversary of blogging. When I first began putting thoughts on the interwebs, I viewed myself as a deep-thinking old soul, painting with words instead of a brush, giving my innermost thoughts and feelings a concrete place to live. I was a writer, “the girl who had a way with words,” and that title felt like a perfect fit.

This October will mark my 10th anniversary in this world of photography. I purchased my first DSLR on October 23, 2006, and from the moment I opened that box from B&H the following week, my world changed. And so did my understanding of my words.

Slowly, slowly, I shifted gears. I started as a writer. Then I was a writer who took photos. Then I was a photographer who wrote. And now, I’ve settled into just a photographer. This last change has been somewhat intentional on my part— about 4 years ago I saw the need to raise the bar of my professionalism and manage my time more efficiently. I knew that some of my more personal posts needed to change tone to match my target market, and let’s be honest, writing takes a long time. As a one-woman-show at the time, I didn’t have the luxury of spending hours every week drafting lengthy and wordy blog posts that gave no financial return. So I settled for the “photographer” role, and let the “writer” take a sabbatical.

Looking back, I regret that decision. Yes, I needed to focus my energy on work that gave a financial return on my time investment. Yes, I needed to change tone for the sake of marketing. And yes, my actions were appropriate for the need at the time. But if I’m honest with myself, the real reason I stopped writing is because I lost my voice.

I knew who I was as a writer. I knew who I was as a writer who took photos. But once I shifted to a photographer who wrote, my voice needed to shift as well, and I was scared of the change. I worried about scaring off potential clients. I was afraid of being too personal. I overthought every word that ticked across my screen until I just gave up. “I don’t have time for it,” I said. “I want to be more professional,” I said. So I stopped sharing, stopped connecting. I needed to redefine my voice, but I was so afraid of failing that I didn’t try at all. And believe me, my work has suffered for it.

This new season of motherhood has launched another wave of fear in me— all throughout my pregnancy I dreaded what this newness would do to my business. I’m afraid of losing relevance, afraid of losing purpose, afraid that I’ll get lost in the thicket of business-and-motherhood and one day lift up my head to look around and realize I have no idea where I am anymore.

But fear is never a good place to start. Goals set because of fear produce stress, not growth. Boundaries set by fear cause me to feel trapped where I should feel liberated. Silence out of fear speaks volumes— but not the message I want to send.

Success doesn’t just happen, so I’m setting aside this coming Monday to plan for it. I’m writing myself a new marketing mission statement, defining my blogging voice, writing a business plan for a new project I have in the works, and giving myself time to just THINK. If you see me on social media, please call me out— I need to keep my head clear and stay focused. I know I don’t have the capacity to blog like I used to, but I don’t want to let it go completely.

I hope that you’ll hear a bit more from me in the coming months. I’m changing the way I post weddings and engagements to allow more time and brain space for educational posts, tips for my clients, and sharing from the heart. And come Tuesday… I hope to have some progress to share. I’m writing about it now so that I actually do it.

Thanks for being a part of this journey, friends. I’m thankful for you.