Dear world:

Today is my birthday. I don’t like to be the center of attention, so I don’t like making a HUGE deal about this day, but I do cherish birthdays. Any chance to slow down, reflect on the past, and start a fresh list for the future is a gooooooood day, in my book. That’s why I love New Years, and mid-year goal check-ups, and… today.

Buck and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate, and he asked me how I feel about my “30 While 30” list, and how much I did and/or did not accomplish on it. I have to be honest, I look at that list with a bit of regret. Not because I didn’t accomplish everything on it (to be honest, I knew I wouldn’t, but I’m an optimist, so always write lists too big to complete), but because when I think back on 2015, I see how much I let the busyness of life distract me from my goals.

I talk a lot about intentionality. Why it’s important. Why you shouldn’t lose it. How to keep it. I even wrote an entire workshop on it, for crying out loud. But when I look back on my 30th year (and on 2015 as a whole), I think I lacked intentionality more than I practiced it. I got overwhelmed. I stopped planning out my days and weeks. I believed that I couldn’t do what I was working on today (let alone the goals I wanted to work toward), and that defeat slowed my pace. And it took me until Thanksgiving to realize what had happened and course-correct!

There were some really big things that happened in 2015— we got a dog, we bought a house, and we got pregnant. I mean, those are MAJOR life changes!! I taught my first workshop, and then taught a second one. I ran a half marathon (and then decided I’m not a runner, and started weight-lifting instead), I took Buck to Colorado, I photographed two engagement sessions in NYC, and I had a wedding published in print. Yes, I accomplished a lot in 2015. But I know what was left undone, what I could have accomplished, and I know why some of my goals were unmet, and I want to do better.

This year, my goals have much less to do with activity and much more to do with the kind of person I want to be in the life I have been given. This year’s focus: to lead a deep, simple, and joy-filled life. To care less about what others think of my decisions, and more about how to love the people in front of me— my family, my clients, my colleagues, and my friends. My goals are less auspicious (and sometimes just sound like surviving, to be honest), and I’m okay with that. Maybe this year I’ll actually accomplish all of them. I’m going back to my Core Beliefs— I believe that people are more important than projects, and that relationships trump the bottom line. 

I’m so excited for all that 2016 will hold. I’m so excited to focus more on depth and less on production. There are more unknowns than I’ve ever faced before, and as much as that scares me silly, it’s oddly freeing to know that I can’t control or predict the future. It’s comforting to know that my love will be by my side through it all, and that I have the gift of a solid community to surround me as I navigate these changes.

31, you’re looking good already.